So let’s talk partner’s!!! Some partners are really supportive and some are not too fussed and are happy for you to get on with it. But for those out there who aren’t massively supportive?
When it come comes to sleep training we could do with having them on board. It makes it emotionally and physically easier. Sleep training isn’t an overnight fix. It can take up to a week to fix your baby’s sleep, you will be changing a habit and doing something different. Sleep training takes patience, effort, consistency and commitment. Having your partner on board means you can tag team, share your feelings and journey as well as both understanding the process.
So when there is a breakdown in communication and you find yourself feeling resentful and frustrated. It’s really not their fault but your partner just doesn’t get how tiring the bedtime routine is, how it actually really feels to have to rock, feed or pat your baby to sleep for an hour with them waking up again in an hour and doing it all again!! And that’s just bedtime! The night’s? Hmmm…. then you have the whole day feeding, napping, snacking? Weaning, snacking, rocking, feeding….do I really have to say anymore?!
When you hear ‘’what did you get up to today or how was your day?’’It can send you over the edge.
You wake up feeling irritated, snappy, your head feeling heavy, unable to focus on anything and generally heavy and achy. With no energy to do anything but get through the day with bare minimal care for your little one scrapping through to meet the basic’s. You confidence on the floor, feeling a mess and comparing yourself to all the mummys you see who just look so amazing!! Wondering how the fuck you are going to get through the day.
Your partner is ready for work, sitting having breakfast and looking fresh for the day. You haven’t even brushed your teeth. You start talking about how exhausted you feel and mention sleep training.
What’s their reaction?
” All babies wake up in the night”
” Let’s see if she grows out of it”
” Its just a phase”
” Why don’t you just bring her into bed”
” He is so young, he will be fine, stop worrying”
” I can’t see her cry”
” We cant afford it right now”
“You are at home and don’t have to work right now so it shoul be manageable”.
”We could try it ourselves, it can’t be that hard”
You feel guilty because you are either on maternity, working part time or a stay at home mum. So who’s paying for it?
How does it feel pushing for something that you know deep down inside will change your life and yet you are scared of really saying how badly you need it.
So let’s break this down and get some insight. What’s going on for your partner?
Lack of Knowledge
- They want to spend time with their buba after work
- They are not sure how the routine will work
- They like to and you need them to help put your elder kids to bed so don’t quite understand how it will all slot together
- Your partner really doesn’t like the idea of letting your little one cry
- You yourself are doubtful and apprehensive, maybe even scared, of any tears during sleep training and the guilt that it may affect your partner as they have work the next day
- The financial investment
- Your partner not actually knowing EXACTLY what sleep training is, how it works, what happens during it and the benefits of it.
- Your partner having genuine reservations, fears, worry’s about impact of sleep training on your little babe and you all as a family
All valid reason’s, genuine fears, but nevertheless can still make you feel resentful.
If your partner isn’t on board for sleep training ask yourself; is that a reflection of your fears? Your doubts? Your reservations? Your lack of knowledge or info around exactly what sleep training is and the actual benefits? Your uncertainty of any tears or change in routine?
Do you believe that sleep training will be successful for you?
Do you feel like a failure asking for help?
Do you feel unworthy of support?
Or that it’s normal to feel completely exhausted all the time, after all you do have a baby?
Do you wonder what people will say if you hired a sleep consultant?
Do you feel guilty asking your partner to invest the money?
If your partner isn’t supportive, not getting you and totally not on board, first ask yourself are you in? I mean really in.
It’s understandable that partners want to spend sometime with their little bundle when they get home. It’s also a biological need for a baby to sleep between 6 to 7pm. Late bedtimes can cause overtiredness and that can lead to waking frequently in the night as well as an early morning wake up. Babies need sleep for positive sleep habits, physical and mental development and to help regulate their emotions.
Yes a routine is given when I work with you so if you are happy with putting your babe to bed at 10pm, and not fussed about whether they nap during the day or not then sleep training isn’t for you. If however you want your baby to go to bed early, reap the rewards of sleeping through the night, napping well and waking at a reasonable time for the day read on!! Once your bub is sleep trained there is no reason why you shouldn’t carry on as normal with your outings, classes, visiting friends and family.
Yes there will be big changes in the house after sleep training. POSITIVE CHANGES!! You will all sleep a whole heap better and if your baby is the correct age then all through the night!! Your baby will be on the correct night feeds and settling straight back to sleep and you and your partner will have your entire evening to yourself!!!
If either of you are concerned about needing a hand with an older sibling for bedtimes, I specialise in sibling sleep routines. So if you have more the one child your sleep plan and routine will accommodate for all your children and will guide you on hoe to one manage the evening routine, bedtime settling and implementing your sleep method with your baby whilst your toddler joins you. So the sleep plans can absolutely be done solo.
Overnight wakings; your partner may well be disturbed.For how long? One week! But what about you? The endless, relentless night wakings and broken sleep. Partner is disrupted for a week versus you being sleep deprived. What’s your choice?
We all have different parenting styles and if either of you are worried about how many tears are involved we can use in room, supportive and hands on sleep training sleep methods. Often there is some protesting but with the correct awake times and routine, right number of feeds and good naps there is usually an improvement in sleep within 2 to 3 days.
Often people attempt sleep training themselves without a consultant and often I hear people come back and say we are exhausted, sleep training doesn’t work or my baby cried so much. Sleep training involves so much more then just a sleep method. The changes in sleep comes from a routine, correct awake times, bedtime environment, napping correctly, eating correctly, managing over night and how to settle to sleep. Along with lots of guidance, education, tools, reassurance, encouragement and somebody to give you clear instructions day to day; sleep reviews and trouble shooting!
So if this sounds like you and you are keen to start sleep training but your partner isn’t on board, learn about sleep training together, communicate with each other, research together, educate them, give them my website details and Facebook page to have a read themselves. Look at you tube videos and read up on the benefits of sleep training. Be clear about what you NEED. How important sleep is to you and how much this would change your life. Dont feel guilty!! You need to be sure before they are.
I offer 15 minute free consultations. So invite your partner and ask them to join us for this call so they have all the info first hand and can talk through any fears or reservations they have.
07581 410 015