Sex and sleep are completely dependent on each other. If your sleep is suffering, no doubt your sex life is too!
We know the current climate has affected our sleep. But, for many of us mums with young children, this is something we are used to; lack of sleep.
The average adult needs around 7 to 8 hours sleep, and that’s uninterrupted. When your little one is up through the night, either feeding or just frequently waking and not settling back to sleep, we are lucky if we get 3 to 5 hours of broken sleep.
I don’t need to list the effects of sleep deprivation, because you already know (otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this!) We know it affects us physically, mentally and emotionally. For us mums it comes out in different ways; binge eating, yo yo dieting, shouting at the kids, feeling shit about not changing out of our PJ’s or brushing or hair,feeling depressed, anxious and foggy headed.
Sleep deprivation and sex
Lots of us already feel resentful towards our partners; who in usual circumstances would get a full night sleep, get dressed and showered (with no time limit or pressure of how long they are in the shower for!) and go off to work. Yes, we feel bad they are earning money, working long hours and facing the stresses of the daily grind. But, we also feel shitty about being at home and envy the working day. Or, we have done the night wakings and feeds and we grudgingly get ready for work feeling like we have been hit by a bus.
To add to all of that, there’s the ‘sex guilt’.
When you’re having sleep difficulties, the body becomes stressed and suppresses sex hormones like estrogen and testosterone, leading to a decreased libidio. The effects of pregnancy and life after giving birth can have an even bigger impact on womens’ sleep-sex relationship.
Labour makes our bodies change…fact! Your self esteem dips because you feel fat, wobbly and too exhausted to shave your legs. Then you feel unattractive.
Your vagina may have changed shape completely, especially if you have torn in labour and maybe you just can’t connect with it anymore.
If you are breastfeeding, your breasts feel completely different since breastfeeding and after your baby has sucked the life out of them, do you really want your partner having a go??
The thought of having to get up and feed just hours after you have had sex, whilst your partner snores away is infuriating!
They just don’t understand our point because they get the full nights sleep and lead full a normal life and the pressure to have sex can make us feel like we’re doing something wrong.
Sometimes it’s just easier to fake an orgasm, right? Rather that than have to deal with the guilt for saying no to your partner.
It doesn’t have to be this way…
Don’t worry, if this sounds like you, there are solutions! You can go back to enjoying sex, you just need A Gentle Night’s Sleep.
If you’d like to discuss how I can help you to get a good night’s sleep, send me a message with your contact details and I will get in touch.